Långlivat…

It is frightening how many things went wrong.
How much that was broken and blown away.
And how little that remains of that which once was…

Me BEFORE the fall of 2010:

-I would devour any online clip I could find where people would create make up effects, whatever those effects were – anything from the most advanced full body cast-stuff, to the most simple amature solutions.
-I would check the bonus stuff on any horror-dvd I could get my hands on, and be very disappointed when I couldn’t find an extensive piece depicting how the effects and masks were created.
-I didn’t know jack sh*t, and almost never created any effects of my own – but I could easily disappear into a fantasy world where things were different… I could dream.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

Me AFTER the fall of 2010:

-Every online makeup-clip makes me overwhelmingly bitter, and I feel that everyone knows more than me – even the ones that are quite obviously complete crap at what they’re trying to do.
-I recently discovered the tv-show ‘Face Off’, where special effect makeup artists compete in the art – a year ago this would probably have made me salivate, now it just brings me down and even though I find it captivating, I also find it extremely hard to watch.
-I still don’t know jack sh*t, but I am now painfully aware of it, and I am also aware of my own faults and limitations. What I before didn’t know if I COULD do, has been replaced by a certain knowledge of what I CAN’T do.

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In school I was once beaten and kicked by a kid older than me.
At work I was once spat on by a person, for no reason whatsoever.
My heart has been visciously stomped on, for reasons I could not understand.
Inexplicably I have been called names because of the color of my skin.
When I was very little I was once told that I smell bad.
I have several times been told that I am fat, pathetic and stupid.

I don’t care about any of these things any more.
They hurt, but they only hurt for a short time.

But you, you twisted bitch, you broke my dreams!